“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Theodore Roosevelt
We are all used to define someone “intelligent” by his/her marks when is a child or by his/her IQ when growing up. This last one became really used during the World War I when two millions of American men were sorted out by the result they realised through an IQ test. A student of this method, Gardner, moved a strong critic towards the above evaluation.
He says: “I want my children to understand the world, but not just because the world is fascinating and the human mind is curious. I want them to understand it so that they will be positioned to make it a better place”
We are used to “classify” sort of speaking our kids when in school and then in University years by the marks and the results achieved. But, how many times we said “even though he was so smart in his school career, he got no results in his life, he failed the marriage and he got the wrong job”?
There are several studies which showed that to have success in life is not defined by the results in the academic career. And by success we mean a successful career, money and satisfied marriage. When we talk about emotional intelligence we mean a person’s capability to deal with his/her emotions in an emergency situation, as well as his/her capacity to make the right decisions even when all the objective “facts” are known by them.
Why is so important to take responsability of your kids education in this sense? Because from this aspect depends most his success in life.
According to D. Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence book, there are at least five abilities when talking about this subject. First of all, knowing one’s emotion is the basis of this capability. Self-awareness is the first step in knowing oneself. Recognising an emotion is part of the process of the decision-making, regardless of the topic, form choosing a pair of shoes to deciding about a marriage. Secondly, knowing how to manage these emotions once recognising them can save us from unpleasant decision-makings. Following is motivating oneself, recognising emotions in others and handling relationships in time are all qualities to be valuable according to the book.
So, shall we skip math classes and just focus on meditation, on the meaning of life and on what is fundamental in relationships? Not at all, but inserting in the natural development of your kid some life lessons could be an important task for you as a parent. There are also many ideas regarding the importance of unschooling and how, in nowadays era, with internet usage in our daily life, it is pointless to memorize data about a specific roman war.
As well, more and more it is known that if in school would be taught meditation and the habit of sitting quit with one’s thought, many of depression diseases and fights in older age would be avoided. See study on this topic here
There are many of services regarding this aspect, and one of them is the Mindfulness training courses orginezed by specific associations.
Performing better in school will be defined by having a quiet mind and a peaceful and positive state. It is definitely easier to learn something by having than instead of being stressed. The positive emotions encourage the child to learn in a easier way.
In first place what is the most important is the education in their homes, and parents should pay attention to the words they use with their children. In the early years of their childhood they register every word spoken at home and later in their years they find in those words their identity. Things like “stop it right now”, “don’t cry” or “why did you do that?” are phrases to be restructure and revisited. Instead, use your patience to explain every single error to avoid traumas.
But, which are the most important habits that people with a high level of emotional intelligence have?
- Those who are emotionally intelligent are the ones that focus on the positive things in life instead of the negative ones. For them is easier to accept the negative aspects and to transform those into an opportunity of growth and progression.
- Emotional intelligence means as well the capability to choose the right people to be with and to spend time with. It is often said that we are defined by the 5 people we spend most time with. And having on our side positive people who can stimulate our growth is a positive aspect for us.
- They don’t see the problem, they search for the solution. These people don’t blame others about their problems, instead spend time on finding a solution and generating a possible result that could make them grow.
- They are capable of saying no when they are not fully into something. This means that they know how to define their boundaries. Being able to define one’s boundaries is sign of emotional maturity. Their impulsive emotions are not dictating the show. Instead, the ability to decide with regarding to their own necessities in the first place, makes them able to maintain an internal and external equilibrium.
- They focus on the meaningful things in life and are able to define what is going to be like their life in 5, 10 years, by establishing the direction of their life and personality.
- They are able to learn from their mistakes. Mostly we learn more than we want from our mistakes instead of others advices. and this is true because being emotionally intelligent means to understand when we make mistakes and change according to it.
- They are continuous learners of a happy and serene life. Learning new habits and new knowledge should not be just in school and universities. Learning is meaningful for the internal evolution.
- They know how to solve relationship conflicts in a calm and relaxed way without fighting. Being able to control impulsive emotions is fundamental when having bad habits and wanting to avoid breaking important relations. How many times did you think “it would be better for me not to say this”.
- And the most important, what they learn (by being continuous learners) they put in practice. The result? A happier and meaningful life.
Teach your child the importance of knowing themselves and they will be half-way to their success. An interesting movie released on this topic is “Inside out”, highly recommended to watch with kids and familiars. It shows us how it is fundamental to learn to cope with negative feelings such as sadness and positive ones such as happiness. Read more on this here. No matter how sad or happy we can be, the ability to jungle with them is what makes us better person.